We are visitors (part 4)

The next thing we found strange was the way we were treated after the service…

In one service, as soon as the service was over, all the regulars went straight to the coffee bar for “fellowship.” Everyone had been invited (from the pulpit) to get a cup of coffee and get to know others.

This was the same church that ignored us as we were trying to find the Children’s Church. We thought maybe they could redeem themselves after the rough introduction we got from their church.
As we made our way to the coffee bar (after picking up our kids), we noticed it was pretty full of people. We thought this would be the perfect opportunity to get to know some of the people. Boy, were we in for a rude awakening!

The people formed a semi-circle around the coffee bar area. There would have been room for us to get through if someone had moved over to one side a bit. But no… that would have inconvenienced someone. And they were busy “fellowshipping.” We just stood there for about 30 secs, holding our kids’ hands, staring at the coffee bar from a distance, hoping someone would get the hint. No such luck.

We finally just left, deciding to never give them a second chance. Even my kids noticed how “unwelcomed” we were. I have mentioned a church’s BRAND before – what people are saying about the church, both insiders and outsiders. This church’s brand seemed to be “we take care of our own!” This is great if you’re part of the inner circle. Outsiders are just out of luck!

My point is this… the few minutes immediately after a service give us a PRIME OPPORTUNITY to welcome and connect with visitors. If we’ll capitalize on this, we can reap rich benefits! We have to both teach and model the value of visitors in our churches. Many churches work very hard to get visitors, it seems stupid to devalue them once they actually come!

We are visitors (part 3)

Another thing we found amusing, although detrimental was the greeter ministry in many of the churches we visited. Most church leaders seem to understand the importance of making people feel welcome, but this understanding doesn’t trickle down to the congregation.

In most of the churches we visited, we were greeted with a warm handshake and a “Hello” or “Welcome” at the door. The greeters were doing their job. But that’s where the welcome ended.
It was as if the church members expected the greeters – the professionals – to welcome the people. Everyone else was just there to enjoy the service. In one church we had to ask three different people where to find the Children’s Church service ministry.

We were wandering around with our “deer in the headlights” look, holding the hands of our two daughters who were obviously the right age for this ministry. We were either ignored or given a token smile by the church workers who were busy preparing for the service.

We have to remember what’s important: We exist for the people, they don’t exist for us! We have to train our workers – in whatever area, even the janitorial staff – that the people aren’t in the way. On the contrary, they are honored guests… and that includes the regular church attenders.
So often we get so caught up in what we’re doing that we forget to notice the people around us – people that may be hurting or needing affirmation or even a genuine smile and welcome. Our people can minister BEFORE and AFTER the service, if we’ll just train them to do so. I’m so thankful that Jesus was willing to be interrupted – even in the middle of a church service!

One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that my job isn’t to direct them to someone else (“Go talk to that guy over there…”). I personally take people to the other person and introduce them… “Joe, this is _________. She’s interested in ___________. Can you help her?”

Do you see the difference between the two approaches? One is simply fulfilling a job description. The other is showing respect and concern. We can’t afford to treat the precious people God has given us with anything less than the dignity He has invested in them.

We have to train our people!

We are visitors (part 2)

One of the first things we noticed when we went into the churches is what I call the welcome factor.  Actually this is comprised of many areas all coming together to give an overall impression of "welcome-ness."

One of these areas is obvious: the condition of the building.  So many "behind the scenes" people play a part in this one.  Cleaning/maintaining a church building is a thankless job -- and sometimes an unpaid one.

The funny thing about this area is that it goes absolutely unnoticed unless it's not done properly.  Most churches focus on presenting a clean foyer, sanctuary, offices, etc.  But sometimes the Children's Ministry rooms leave a bit to be desired... (and don't even get me started on the bathrooms!)

It's not uncommon to see the sides of a Children's Church room(s) stacked with toys, past object lessons, puppets, miscellaneous papers, etc.  This is especially difficult in the Children's Ministry because so many different activities take place in one room... and each one requires props, materials, etc.

But few things make a visitor feel more uneasy than sending their child into a room that is unkempt.  It gives the impression that the entire program is in disarray or second-rate, at best.

A simple solution is to provide closets or storage rooms specifically for the Children's Ministry to use.  Or they could be given storage cabinets that could actually be placed in the room.  But these need to be organized in such a way that they don't become giant trash cans.

Another solution, although one that requires more effort, is to regularly organize the storage areas.  Then you just need to find a place to either donate or recycle equipment that is either broken or no longer used.  If you ask for volunteers to repair damaged equipment, you'll often find willing ones.  And other volunteers with organizational gifts may be willing to help with cleanup and with rearranging the storage areas.

We are visitors (part 1)

I have referred to this subject before, but Robin "encouraged" me to write a series of blog posts about this subject (read: "You should really write about this!"). When we moved down to southern Germany almost a year ago, for the first time we were outsiders looking in instead of insiders looking out. We were church visitors!

Before we had always been the ones welcoming, assisting, getting to know and following up on visitors. But everything changed when we went from pastoral ministry to mentoring, coaching and training. we now got to see what a church looks like to a visitor. It was almost as if we got fresh eyes.
The next few blogs will have some of our experiences as visitors (we visited quite a few different churches -- both German and English-speaking -- and most of these multiple times while looking for a new church home)... and suggestions for pastors and those in church leadership. It would do us all good to begin to look at our churches and ministries with these "fresh eyes!"

How to deal with disappointment

A friend of ours died a few weeks ago.  He was a fellow missionary living here in our area.  Actually, we had the privilege of helping his family get established here in Germany.  But it really got me thinking about how we react when things don't go the way we planned.

As I was praying for his family (wife and four girls) I was reminded of this verse...

Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away.  Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” - 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 NLT

Many church-goers know that this is in reference to what Paul called, "a thorn in his flesh," something the devil sent to make his life difficult.  We're never told exactly what this thorn is, or why he had to deal with it.  Some think this refers to a physical problem.  I believe it refers to the opposition he experienced in many cities.  Either way, things weren't as he would like.

Many times when things don't go the way we planned, we blame God... almost as if He has some sick sense of pleasure in our pain.  It can feel as if He's left us all alone, that He just doesn't care.  Many people speak of these verses that the Apostle Paul penned as proof that God wants us to suffer through some things.

I see it from a totally different angle.  In these verses I don't see a God that is uninterested or that leaves us alone to deal with our pain.  Rather, I see a God that gives us a special grace to deal with tough situations.

My friends, He is PRESENT in times of pain, disappointment and frustration (See Psalm 34, especially vs. 18).  He is actively involved -- although it may not seem like it.  And He provides us what we need to not just survive, but overcome such circumstances.

Want miracles?

I was recently at a minister’s conference in the Swiss Alps. (very cool!!!)  While I was there, I sensed God challenging me.  It was as if He was drawing a line in the sand and inviting me to step across it.

I wrote down what I felt He was saying to me:

Want miracles?  Then take risks for God!  They only happen in impossible circumstances… under extreme pressure!  You’ll never see God’s miracle power when you’re playing it safe.

It made me want to look at what we’re doing and how we can take more (acceptable, intelligent and intuitive) risks for Him.  And as my wife says, “After all, what do we have to lose?”

So how about you… Do you want miracles?

Missions Q & A (part 3)

Q.  What is the hardest thing that you face as a family?
A.  The schooling issue has been ugly for us since the beginning. We finally feel we're in a good place (educationally). The cultural adjustment was tough as well.

Let me finish by saying, if you feel like God will allow you to do anything else... do it. Missions work isn't easy... at times your family pays a very high price. Also, see our “Thoughts for Beginning Missionaries” articles on our website Free Materials / Missions section for more advice.